My favorite time of the day starts before the sun has even kissed the clouds. It's the very moment I walk into my daughter's room and say a phrase that my mother said to me growing up "Rise and shine and give God the glory." I say it pretty calmly, but my mom, however, does it in a high-pitched voice that would make me cringe out of my sleep. After I say this phrase to my daughter I sit there and watch her body move from side to side, her little lips scrunch up, her arms stretch out like a kitten and then plop right back down into sleep. Then I say "It's time to wake up" and then she starts to slowly begin to move, but she's still very much asleep. Finally, I reach down and pick her up, wrap her in my arms, and hold her head on my shoulder.

Exploring different art forms throughout the years has been a journey I love to embrace. At times I wish I focused on one and perfected every aspect, but the world is so creative. God is creative and His spirit within me is creative. So why not explore?

How did I find my way back after utter heartbreak? Honest answer, I didn’t. I let God take the rubble, expose the fallacies of my heart and build something new. From the inside out transformation has been a daily process of chipping away old thoughts, overcoming current challenges, and holding onto future hopes.

It’s 3 o’clock in the morning and I’m going through some of the photos on my phone to clear space. I was so disappointed earlier today when I went to take a picture and received the ugly iPhone message that my storage was full. How? I pay additional monthly for storage and even that was full. I guess with 99,000+ pictures, I may have used the phone and cloud to their absolute max.

Today, I lost someone near and dear to my heart, my Great Aunt Mae. Her wisdom, support, and love have nourished my soul in some of the lowest points of my life. The initial notice of the news sent my heart into a pit only momentarily and then I went into full support mode for my family members. I purposefully didn’t give myself space to feel. I wasn’t ready.

As a photographer, I am accustomed to taking tons of pictures in a setting. Since cameras have changed so much since I started photography I no longer have to be super selective about my images.

Over the last couple of months, I’ve experienced some unique health challenges. It’s been a private battle, but one that has exposed pride as well as my need to be vulnerable. With every hurdle and the need to be dependent at times on someone other than myself, I felt like an onion being peeled back.

I wish I could say I’ve always been mindful with the words I’ve spoken, but if you were only a fly on the wall years ago (you already know that’s not true.) Recently my husband, Stephen and I received some disappointing news. We knew it was a possibility of this, but when the call came in it was a wave of emotions.

I’ve wrestled with this idea of vulnerability for decades. What does it look like and is it even necessary? Recently, I’ve been challenged to show up raw to the utmost degree not because I really want to, but because I felt called in that moment.

Healing for me has come in waves. There were seasons when I went months without feeling the trauma of being in an abusive relationship. I thought I was completely good and loved my life accordingly. However, there were still triggers that rushed me back to places and spaces that were painful.

There was a time when my home was more of a storage unit than it was an oasis. I spent at least 3 weekends out the month traveling. My life consisted of constant movement. Some of those movements were work-related and others were a way of escape. Maybe it was my compulsion to say, “yes” when my body needed me to say, “no.” Regardless I put myself into a rhythm of living that left me depleted.

I took a beautiful walk in a rose garden and it was so gorgeous and enchanting. I thought about the different types of roses, the beauty that’s intertwined in the stems and how they remind me so much about my life.

Who knew I would find freedom in the fog of life. In the place of not knowing, not seeing, but trusting God. It’s a complicated space for someone like me, a planner. I love when a carefully laid plan is executed the way I “think” it should go. God is allowing me to learn to trust Him in the fog.

I remember when I first “truly” surrendered my life to Christ. I was a hot mess! I didn’t get euphoric feelings of release or an immediate life-altering Saul-like conversion. I was wavering, fighting every day to allow my life choices to line up with my heart’s decision. I failed more often than not.

Life has a way of consuming EVERYTHING in its path if we allow it. Our focus determines our perspective and I have experienced that full well this week. Personally, I am seeing people whom I care for suffer great losses and yet, their hope is still strong.

Last week I felt such and urge from The Lord to take a break, to pause, to be still. I find these urges to pause often happen right after an intense season of output or right before the on taking of a new dimension of life. The urge swept over me and for the first time I immediately embraced it. I did not delay, at 4am I created a post on my creative Instagram page announcing a Selah (until further notice).

I am currently wiping away tears from my eyes. These tears stem from being overwhelmed in the most loving of ways by God. It’s 5am on April 20th, 2021 and I’ve just sent approval for one of my art pieces to be used in a campaign in Brazil. Not just any campaign, but one that will change the lives of so many impoverished mothers.

I am currently living in the in-between of so many things. I’ve spent years trying to “arrive” only to realize I am chasing the wind. The amount of mental and emotional energy spent waiting to check a box is unreal.

I was gifted the opportunity to share my testimony with CBN’s Turning Point International (TPi) program. Originally, when approached to share my testimony, I was nervous and wasn’t sure if I was ready to publicly share on such a large platform. I let my prayers lead me to saying yes and I am so glad I did.

I pray you all are having an amazing day. God is so faithful in so many ways, but if I am honest I questioned it this week. Why? Because my meticulously crafted plan was altered drastically. A big deal that was pretty much signed sealed and ALMOST delivered fell through. My heart felt like a giant hot air balloon deflating as I received the news. What now? Really?