Slow Living
There was a time when my home was more of a storage unit than it was an oasis. I spent at least 3 weekends out the month traveling. My life consisted of constant movement. Some of those movements were work-related and others were a way of escape. Maybe it was my compulsion to say, “yes” when my body needed me to say, “no.” Regardless I put myself into a rhythm of living that left me depleted. I accumulated material items that I wasn’t even around to use. There was excess in all the areas that didn’t need it and my essentials (my mind, body, and soul) were left with no margin.
For some, the pandemic was a way to slow down. I can’t say anything changed except my travel was limited, however, my responsibilities tripled! I stepped into a career change that challenged and propelled me, started a new business with my husband, became a full-time working mother to our oldest, and birthed a baby in the midst of the pandemic. And to be honest, that’s the shortlist, but you get the point. Constant transition and weight have accompanied me for the past decade and I’m finally at a point where I want to change.
I’m tired of having a full calendar and constant movement. Slow living has become a true desire of mine even though I haven’t quite figured out what that really looks like. If I’m honest, I’m scared of what it could look like. Will I view myself as lazy if I’m not always producing, always moving, or always available? Will I consider myself “enough” without always having the “happenings?” I hope to find deeper meaning in the mundane. I hope to have margin for the people I love dearly and time to invest in new relationships. I would love to live at a level of freedom that allows me to have maximum impact from a place of rest.
Slow loving scares me and excites me simultaneously. My “no’s” have already become more frequent, but my “yes’s” have been so fruitful. My responses are slower, yet more meaningful. Slowly but surely this unrealistic self-imposed pressure is lifting.
…. an excerpt from my journal
-Briana Ariel