Triggers

Healing for me has come in waves. There were seasons when I went months without feeling the trauma of being in an abusive relationship. I thought I was completely good and loved my life accordingly. However, there were still triggers that rushed me back to places and spaces that were painful. One of the unexpected triggers I faced was being pregnant with my second child. Somewhere in the second trimester, which is supposed to be the sweet trimester, I began battling trauma. All of the “feelings” of toxicity, fear, and shame crept up on me because that point in pregnancy took me back to my first pregnancy. (I share my testimony in greater detail with CBN here.)

I was having an internal battle for my life! I knew that everything I was feeling and thinking was a flat-out lie. Absolutely nothing resembled the first pregnancy except the fact that I was indeed pregnant. It’s wild to know that a “feeling” is completely false, yet we still ride it all the way out. I struggled deeply! I felt as if maybe I wasn’t as healed as I thought I was. I retreated hoping to deal with it myself. When I find myself in a pit, I know I can first call on God and second talk to the women He put in my life to speak truth over me. There was something so freeing about releasing these false feelings into a safe space. I wrote in a poem from my latest book, Maybe Yes, “until you face it you won’t fight it.”

·      I had to face these ridiculous thoughts head-on.

·      I had to protect my baby in my womb from feeling the wave of emotions I was experiencing.

·      I had to do the grunt work to STAND and FACE lies with truth.

We all have our own set of triggers. Yours may not be from physical abuse, but whatever it is big or small I am praying you rely on God’s strength and his resources (solid friend and counseling) to stand and face it!

-Briana Ariel