Grieving and Growth

Written on September 14th.

Today, I lost someone near and dear to my heart, my Great Aunt Mae. Her wisdom, support, and love have nourished my soul at some of the lowest points of my life. The initial notice of the news sent my heart into a pit only momentarily and then I went into full support mode for my family members. I purposefully didn’t give myself space to feel. I wasn’t ready. The day kept going, demands were still ever present and life refused to stand still even in the midst of my grief.

If I am honest, I’ve welcomed the noise today. I usually look forward to the stillness of the evening after the kids go to bed. I wanted the kids to be lively and to find things to distract myself. I knew as soon as the silence came I would be filled with the emotions of the true gravity of her loss. Here I am - met with silence, pain, and a heart that is grateful for her presence in my life.  She’s influenced this blog in so many ways (as referenced on “Meet Briana” page in the inspired-by section). Her wisdom has guided me to rise in the midst of turmoil, rest when I wanted to run, and be fully committed to Christ even when no one is watching.

At this moment I don’t want to lean in, even though I truly need to. The lasting impact of someone’s presence is one of the most beautiful intricacies of life. My aunt was fully aware of her impact on my life, which inspires me to steward the relationships I have to impact others.  

(Snippet from my journal)

-Briana Ariel