I remember being a single mother; caught in a whirlwind between healing from an abusive marriage and raising a newborn. My world was flipped upside down in so many ways. In that season I fully realized who held my world. That discovery of the depth of Jesus’s love for me was real. That kind of love can’t be ignored or replaced.
In that season I covered myself in shame…. the shame of failure, the shame of being an “abused woman,” the shame of not looking perfect, the shame of being a young single mom, but most of all I felt the shame of not speaking up sooner. After years of reflection, counseling and healing, I’ve realized why I didn’t speak up after the first incident. That day was vivid and the results were physically evident, however my pride stopped me. My pride allowed for a brief season in my life to be extended longer than it should have. I wanted to protect myself, my family, and my future dreams of what could have been. What happened to me was awful and there is no rationale as to anyone physically harming another. In this time of reflection, I see now why I stayed quiet and why others who have experienced the same thing stays quiet.
In that season of release I felt God FREE me even before I was completely disentangled from the situation. I discovered true joy; the kind that is not moved based on circumstances. When I finally mustard the strength to speak out there were few who stayed close. Some people had more questions and doubts of the validity of my claims, that crushed me. However, there were people who loved my daughter and I in ways that I will forever be grateful. In the darkest of moments I saw first hand who genuinely loved me and those who only loved “pieces” of me.
As time passed and more waves of God’s grace swept over my soul, I gained more strength to speak. I slowly began to crawl out of the pit of shame and pride to publicly speak. When I began to share my testimony I was incredibly nervous and still had emotional bruises scattered in my heart, but I spoke anyway. I realized that my silence kept others captive and the moment I spoke was the moment others began to share their lives. Women who were still in the midst of their storm found strength in my courage to share mine.
I may never know why that season happened, but it did and because of it God has allow me to touch thousands through FREED Magazine and my first poetry book, Her FREED Soul. I share this piece of my heart to encourage you to share your testimony. There is power in your story!